


Visions Of Better Times

by HiYoSilverWays, sinfulpanda



Category: The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, M/M, Mentions of Clementine and AJ and the whole GANG, Noah is a dick but we love him, Noah pisses himself, Not explicitly mentioned, Oral Sex, Outdoor Sex, Pee mentions, Trust, but I'm sure you know who he's talking about, but in a nonsexual way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 14:46:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19275475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiYoSilverWays/pseuds/HiYoSilverWays, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfulpanda/pseuds/sinfulpanda
Summary: Noah's life had been seemingly coming to an end. Everywhere he turns always ends up souring. So, when he was caught stealing from James he expected nothing other than the worst.





	Visions Of Better Times

**Author's Note:**

> HEY, YOU, YES YOU.
> 
> THIS STORY WAS BETA READ, SORTA EDITED AND APPROVED OF BY @SINFULPANDA (We have matching dicks idk ily)
> 
> Edit: this story is so old   
> and bad  
> read at your own risk

“Still.”

My eyes shot open momentarily as my heart dropped. Damn it. I couldn’t resist shaking my head, letting a long disappointed breath through my nose. My hands slipped out of the bag and I raised them by routine. “Yeah, Yeah… I know.”

Had my footsteps been a tad quieter, or maybe avoided leaving a trail of dead— “What have you taken?” The soft voice startled me out of my thoughts. It’s a guy, I could tell that much. There must have been the barrel of a gun inches from my skull, which caused my hands to shake at the thought.

 

“Nothing. I… Not nothing, but it’s…” I wanted to kick myself in the back of the head for being such a moron every time this happened. A soft sigh slipped past my lips,

“It’s in my front pocket.”

My hands still raised, he leaned down attentively, his eyes were glued on me as he patted my pocket. There was a bit of crinkling as he pulled the snack from me. “Is that all?” There was a drop of silence between us both until I spoke, “Yeah, shit… That’s all.”

 

Why hadn’t he pulled the trigger? My heart pounded in my chest; I’d known one of these days I’d meet my end by doing this. On the off chance I didn't starve I would die by another survivor.

 

And there I was, at the hands of another survivor.

 

My eyes screwed closed. I couldn’t pay attention to the thoughts that ran through my head. I’d have burst out crying if I did. Everything shouted at me that this was it. Luck has been with me so far, but it seems my luck ran dry.

That's why I was boggled when, instead of plunging a bullet into my brain, he sat across from me and rested a skin mask— a skin mask— next to him.

My brain was in turmoil as I tried to find something to focus on; he didn’t shoot me, he didn’t appear to have a weapon. He sat down instead of kicking me out— though I was sure that would come soon— and isn’t going to search me or anything?

 

_A fucking skin mask!_

 

I eyed him up and down, my body still quivered as my legs began to ache from squatting for so long. “Y...You’re not gonna kill me?”

My breath was heavy even to my own ears, heavy and shaky. He shook his head and adjusted his glove. A wave of reassurance washed over me as my arms fell limp to my sides.

I pressed a hand to my chest as I let out quiet “Thank you”s repeatedly. When I looked back at him, the forest I'd come from had caught his gaze.

 

“You killed a lot of them back there.” He said with discomfort spread all over his face. Moments pass until I realized he was talking about the trail of dead that I left on my way here. I nodded, confused, but with my heart no longer about to beat out of my chest I slid onto my bottom, sitting instead of squatting.

“Yeah, I did. Why'd you mention it?”

He shook his head, still looking down at his hands. “No reason.”

I straightened myself up when he turned his attention to me.

“Why resort to stealing?” He asked. There's no hostility in his voice but, instead genuine curiosity.

 

I opened my arms to him, gesturing to my scrawny frame, hoping that would give him a clue. His uncertain look had me sigh. “I’m hungry. Like… starving. Not starving, but… starving?”

I opened my mouth to try to form a better way to say that, but when my mind drew a blank I shut it again. Instead, I rubbed the back of my neck.

“I wasn’t going to steal anything— I… I was just hungry. I haven’t eaten in days, and- and I’m sure you haven’t either. I’m sorry.”

The apology that I had searched for spit itself out with a pathetic whimper. My own lies caught up to me with a vice grip filling me with distress and I could now express that, thankfully.

 

He reached over to grab the granola bar that I’d taken and handed it over to me.

 

“No no no- I can’t.” I put my hands up defensively and shook my head.

“You were about to take it anyway, why is it any different here?” He insisted despite that I told him I couldn’t take up his offer.

As he slid it over, I let out a disappointed sigh. “Because now I feel bad.”

 

“You didn’t before?” Was all he had to say before I bit into it.

He had a point. Sure, I'd felt bad. I didn't know who the person I was stealing from was. They could have been on the verge of fucking death and this was all the food they had left. It's not a happy thought, and if there were any other options available then I wouldn't be doing this at all. After he watched me for a second, he gave a soft smile. “Thank you.”

 

With a mouth full of granola I mumbled, “Thank me? Thank you. ‘s tasty.”

 

He had to cover up his mouth to stifle a laugh, and briefly it felt like this man wasn’t someone who I feared had a gun to my head minutes ago. Even though I didn't know this person, it felt nice to hear someone laugh. Recently, with my life seemingly coming to an end, and no matter where I’d turned events would always sour, it's been difficult to find moments like these to laugh. “James.”

 

“What?” I asked, forcefully pulling my attention away from the granola bar.

 

“My name. It’s… It’s James.” He seemed timid when saying his name, but that didn’t stop me from saying it right back to him.

 

“Well, James, thank you. I’m Noah.”

 

The granola bar wasn’t enough to fill up my stomach but it’ll have to do.

I’d taken so long eating my food and worrying about whether I’m gonna die or not that I hadn’t even realized that I haven’t got a proper look at he who spared me. James looked near my age, 19 at most, but that could just be because it doesn’t look like he’s brushed his dark hair in days. It’s flattened down and greasy, and if I could’ve seen myself I’d guess mine was too. He was wearing an old vest and a long sleeve shirt. If I inched my eyes just a tiny bit downward and I'd be met with— “Oh, _God_.”

 

I stared at the mask in disgust. Why would someone need that? As if he sensed my thoughts, he picked it up with a soft touch. “I can blend in with the walkers like this. It makes things easier for me and them.”

 

“How? Can’t you just, I dunno, kill them?” I asked.

 

He shook his head, “It’s not something I do. Killing walkers isn’t something I enjoy doing, so I don’t.”

 

He… what? He doesn’t kill the dead, he doesn’t kill people— it had me question how he’s still alive. I insisted that he had to kill at least a few dead here and there, but he denied it. Saying that he tries to spare as many as he can.

“You have killed them though, right?” He sighed, but I took little notice. With my confusion gone and things clicking in my head, I was satisfied.

 

He, however, seemed the opposite of satisfied.

 

“It doesn’t matter if I’ve hurt them before, I don’t try to kill them now. If I can spare them, then I will.” A hint of frustration seeped through his words, but his soft voice still remained nonetheless. It made me wonder how long he's been talking like that. Can he speak louder than a low whisper or is his voice stuck like that? He brought the mask up to his face, startling me out of my thoughts.

 

“No, don’t.” And when he slipped it on his head I turned away, covering my eyes with my arm. Yet, the slimy stretching of the mask sent shivers through my body as I recoiled at the sound.

“Oh God, dude.”

 

He stood up and brushed his pants off with his… skin gloves? I'd have questioned it but I didn't think I could bring myself to after seeing his mask. “Where are you going? You’re just gonna leave me here in your camp?” Though, I realized that he didn’t have a real reason to think I’m nothing but a coward, after all he was unarmed and I surrendered to him immediately. I turned toward him as he began to walk toward the forest,

 

“Need to relax. Going on a walk.” I remained seated as he disappeared into the long, stalky trees and rested my head on the log he was sitting on. With my adrenaline finally settling down, I realized that my stomach hurt quite a bit. I could hardly move without sharp pains jabbing into my stomach. I knew I needed to eat and, as much as I hated to admit, it would be easy for me to fill up. His bag was right there. Inches away from me.

 

I scrutinized the path he went down to see if there’s even slight movement. When I saw none I reached toward the bag, but something inside me was tugging at my heart, telling me to stop. Guilt ran through my veins as I let out a frustrated sigh. “Stupid emotions,” I mumbled, bringing my hand back to rest on my knees. If he just hadn’t caught me then I wouldn’t have had to talk to him. Then, I wouldn’t have been feeling ashamed of taking from him, and I’d have a full stomach!

 

My eyes began to fall shut, the bitter winds not helping my pained body fall asleep any faster. I grabbed my sleeves and cover my hands with them, burying my face in my knees. There’s no way I could fall asleep, not like this.

 

That was until I did.

 

—

  


Warmth captured my body and I accepted it happily. It started near my feet and legs; I couldn’t question something that was burning off the cold breeze. So instead, with my eyes still shut tight, I curled up near the warmth. I listened to the quiet crackling of the fire as twigs gasped for their last breath before charring into nothing more than ashes. There was a distant wind, but I no longer paid any attention to it.

 

“You’re still here, I see.” The familiar voice spoke softly, as always, with no malice or hidden frustration. I let out a quiet, “Mhmm.” The warmth of the fire felt almost foreign, and I wasn’t willing to let it go yet.

He let out a breathy laugh, and I winced when there’s a thud nearby. When I looked up to see what was causing the disturbance, I was met with James moving a rabbit to the middle of the rock. I let out a groggy, “What’re you doing?”

 

“It’s not centered.” He complained.

 

Had this been any other time I'd have questioned why that matters, but the pull of the fire was much stronger, and so my head plopped back down onto my hands. I was very much awake now. Awake and in pain.

 

He adjusted it, letting out a dissatisfied grunt. It tooks minutes of peering at him through hooded eyes until I snickered, “Maybe there’s no center.”

 

He shook his head, “There’s always a center.”

 

I groaned as I rolled onto my back, looking up at the stars. When I was a kid, I remember how I’d point at the stars with my little brother on that wooden swing set. That was the day that I climbed to the top of the swing set and sat on the wobbly support beams. My brother, taking after me, also tried. I still haven’t stopped feeling guilty since he broke his arm because of that. The memories brought a bittersweet tug to my chest. In less than a minute, more pressing issues replaced the memories; had I just sauntered my way into his camp? Was he letting me stay or was this just a one-time thing? Either way, I was grateful for the kindness he had shown to my dumbassery so far.

“Do you think the food goes down and sits in the center of your stomach?”

 

“What?” He stopped moving the rabbit.

 

“Would you be upset if it didn’t?” I asked.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

I shrugged, “Making conversation. Dunno.”

It took a great deal of effort for me to sit up, and when I did, the stomach pains worsened significantly.

 

Fire crackled as he poked the fire with a stick before throwing the last of his wood in. “You’ll eat well.” He assured, grabbing his bag. He pulled his knife out while examining the inside of his bad. A smile spread across his face before he said, “Thanks for not stealing anything. I know it would have been easy for you to.” Guilt prickled down my spine as I remembered the urge to steal and run. Grab what I needed and book it. I could thank my past self that I didn’t.

 

“Yeah, of course not,” I mumble, rubbing the back of my neck.

 

He scurried back over to the rabbit rock, but before he could begin, I jumped in, “I’ll do that. You should rest. You’ve been up and about all day.” I struggled to stand but I got there, and when I did, I sat down by the rabbit rock. He hesitated for a moment but ended up handing the knife over to me, eyeing me carefully as he did so.

 

I took it gently and sent a reassuring smile his way. “Where’d you even get this?” I pointed to the rabbit with the knife before I began skinning it. If I wasn’t actively careful I’d end up losing a finger. “You don’t seem like the type to kill people or creatures, you know?” He sat by the rock, crossing his legs.

 

“There are nice people nearby. We don’t speak anymore, but as I said they’re nice people.”

I flipped the rabbit over.

 

“Boat people?”

 

Something must have clicked in his head as his expression shifted, but he still let out a nervous, “No. No, not them.”

 

A chuckle escaped my lips, “Yeah, they seem unfriendly as all hell.” Though, I wasn’t looking, I could practically feel his eyes shoot up from staring at my hands to staring into me.

 

“You knew them?”

 

I shook my head, “Thankfully, no. I mean, yeah, I ran into them once or something and they mentioned a boat with food. It seemed too good to be true though.”

My lip stuck out in a small pout, “They said something about me being a waste of food. Which, ouch. I know I shouldn’t be offended, but I definitely was.”

He let out a quiet huff and rested his arms on the table.

 

“They’re gone now, so don’t worry about them.” James added.

 

The rabbit cooked over the dimming fire and when it was done, it was put on the rock table. It’s a lot better than putting food on your lap. He seemed proud of having it centered this time. Much more satisfied.

 

Once I bit into the hot meal I knew I didn’t regret a thing about wandering into this camp, no matter the days to come. A peaceful silence rested upon us as we ate. Gentle wind and the harsh pop of fire caught my attention every now and again, but it always returned to my food. I’d jump slightly whenever I heard rustling in the bushes, afraid that the dead were gonna interrupt our meal. I always felt a little stupid when it continued to prove to just be the wind. We shared glances every now and again, and I almost forgot how nice it was to be around someone. Well, around someone who didn’t want to cut your head open. Had I known that this place was so quiet, then I’d most definitely had come here sooner. Or maybe he just drove all of the dead away with his mask… thing? Either way, I’m grateful.

 

I rubbed my eyes and let out a yawn, letting my head fall back against the log. “It’s nice being around someone.“

 

He agreed, “I’m not the best at talking to people, but yes, it’s nice to be around someone.”

 

“What? Someone like you doesn't have friends? ‘S crazy,” I lay down, back where I started when I woke up and laid on my hands again. “ ‘s stupid. You’re really nice.”

 

He laughed, brushing the remaining rabbit to the edge of the rock. “Thank you.”

 

The pain faded from my stomach completely, replaced with a slight hunger that I’m happy to let wait. “Of course.”

 

—-

 

A few days is all it took for me to realize I was wrong about a lot of things. First and foremost, I haven’t been kicked out of his camp. I’ve been allowed to stay, despite that I told him he doesn’t need to do this. My thought was shut down quickly, so I ended up thanking him for being so kind. He is also serious about sparing the dead. It’s not that I thought he wasn’t, but I didn’t think he’d be staring at me with a tired glare as I pulled my knife out of a dead. The reflection of the fire was dim in his eyes.

 

To make sure there wasn’t another dead thing in sight, I scanned the surrounding area thoroughly. I pushed the dead aside with my foot before plopping back down onto the ground, setting my weapon down next to me. Dirt clung to the blood as soon as it made contact. A quiet huff escaped me and I brushed my hair out of my eyes.“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

 

Keeping watch at night certainly takes its toll, which is why I suggested we go somewhere less open. It would make it safer for both of us and we'd both get a full night’s rest. He said that he’d think about it, but I’m sure he brushed off the thought as soon as the conversation ended. Or maybe even sooner. “You didn’t have to kill it.” He groaned.

 

“What?” Was my admittedly lame answer. To think that I wracked my brain for responses and that’s all I could spit out. A yawn escaped his lips as he rubbed his eyes, nodding to the corpse. “It wasn’t that close. Distracting it would have been easier.” I couldn’t help it when I felt a surge of annoyance. He’d mentioned something about it days before but I hadn’t really paid attention to it. Just like he hadn’t paid attention to what I said.

 

“Distract it how? By running away and having it follow me before it eats my guts?” Dissatisfied, he ignored the second half of my response completely, “Sounds. Throwing a rock or pebble is a good start to attract their attention elsewhere.”

As he said that, I fiddled with a pebble in my fingers. I shook my head and dropped it, “Yeah, but they eat people. You know that. I know that. How would you spare them?” I asked.

 

“Smelling like a walker is one way to avoid being eaten.” My mind went blank. Wha-? What? How? If you want to smell like the dead then you have to become one of them, right? Either that or roll around in the dead all day, but that also doesn’t seem like it would work. Wouldn’t the dead detect that you’re a living being anyway? They’d have to notice the difference between you and all of the other dead. Right? Are the dead that smart? I wanted to laugh when I felt like I was giving them too much credit. They’re walking corpses, for goodness sake! They can't do that. Can they? _Are_ they that smart?

 

James must have noticed the frustration spilled across my face, because he brushed his fingers across my knee. I flinched snapping out of my thoughts. He held out the flesh mask, “Would you let me show you?” As soon as I was grounded, my mind floated back into space, refusing to accept what he just suggested.

 

Thankfully, he spoke up again, “I’d like to show you that it’s peaceful to walk among them.”

 

Among them? As in, a crowd of them? My heart sped up in my chest at the thought, anxiety brimming through my entire body. “No- no! Absolutely not, James. Y-You can’t just- What the fuck?” I sputtered out, mashing multiple thoughts into a few semi-coherent sentences. Disappointment is smacked across his face, but he still insisted, telling me that it doesn’t have to be for long. I refused.

 

He said that it could only be with one of them.My weapon would be with me and all, so if anything went wrong, I had his full permission to cover my ass. Not that I needed his permission to not get bit by a man-eating corpse. Yet, somehow, I agreed. Hearing that I’d only have to face one of them shrunk my anxiety by a lot. Even though I felt better about his offer, I definitely didn’t think I’d be accepting it.

 

According to him, tomorrow's when we'd be doing it.

“Thank you. I know I can’t force you to think the way I do-“ he spoke like he were reciting something he’d been told before, “-but I appreciate the thought.”

 

With my face in my hands, I rubbed until my face burned, hoping that would scare my fear away or clear my thoughts. It did neither. “Yeah. Whatever, man. I’ll just…” I tipped my head back until it hit the log. “See you tomorrow. Get some sleep, er whatever.” Worry filled his eyes, but I simply brushed it off with a hand movement. That seemed to be enough to get him to stop concerning himself over it as he laid down, back into his spot.

 

——

 

If I slept that night I definitely didn’t remember it, but I didn’t feel tired either way. And maybe that’s because my blood was pumping with pure anxiety. I remembered drinking coffee when I was little, it would give me horrible tingles in my chest that felt like anxiety, but it wasn’t; which is also the reason I don’t drink coffee. That feeling is exactly what’s happening right now. My legs are noodles, not only that but I didn’t have the energy to wake James up. I’d done it the past few days, happily, in fact. Today I just… couldn’t.

 

The logical side of my brain was telling me that delaying something wasn’t preventing it, but everything else in my body was telling me to rest my head against the log and sit. Don’t move and don’t make a noise. And definitely, don’t think about my inevitable death today.

 

I’d back out of it if I could but I don’t have the heart to. James seemed so appreciative of me doing this for him. I can’t imagine many— if any— people have done this for him, and backpedaling on his offer might break his poor little dead-loving heart. _Surely_ I wouldn’t want that, _would I?_

 

I groan quietly and screwed my eyes shut, pressing my head between my legs. My sarcastic thoughts want me to be cross with James. He was the one who offered it after all. I took a deep breath in, holding it for a moment before letting it out slowly. C’mon. Shit. I couldn’t be mad at him. Yeah, I fucking wanted to but I couldn’t. That’s not fair to him. I’m the dumbass who accepted the offer. I lifted my head and rub my eyes.

Controlling my breathing only subsided my anxiety for just a moment, but it was most definitely back and harsher than before. Come the fuck on! The sun was in the sky and normally we’d already be awake at this time. I wished the sun would just go back into its little hidey-hole so it was night again, I wouldn’t feel awful for wasting time

 

The log across from me let out a quiet groan. Startled, my eyes shot up to the noise to see James stretching his limbs. “Did-“ He was cut off by his own yawn, “-you sleep well?”

 

Nervousness and anxiety slowly melted into frustration and the need to _blame_. I gave a grin, one that had obvious irritation behind it. Had he not noticed my grin he surely would have noticed my half-glare I’d been sending him.

 

“ _Very_ well.”

 

His eyes searched my face with a blank look. I hated the fact that I had to do this and I hated the fact that I was scared about it too. “Are you doing all right? You didn’t wake me. ” He asked hesitantly.

 

“Nope. Nada. Mm-mm.”

 

I couldn’t tell if it was the lack of sleep that was driving my frustration or my fear. Either way, James was sensing that something was wrong, other than because I just said so. Something else. “It makes me feel better when I say what’s on my mind out loud.”

 

I let out a scoff, “I’m fucking scared, James! Terrified. Am- Am I just supposed to be okay with this shit? Am I- Holy shit.” I could feel my breaths coming fast. God damn it. Clarity regained my mind as the frustration seeped out of me along with my words, and I am an asshole. I rubbed the back of my head before brushing my hands through my hair. “I’m sorry- I’m sorry.” Those words are said on repeat. The only way I snapped out of it was when he put a hand on my shoulder. I glance up at him as he was no longer sitting across from me and rather sitting next to me.

 

He looks worried and hurt and oh my _God,_  I am an asshole! “Think about something else. Easier said than done, I understand, but how about…” He rested his head against the log, “What do you want for breakfast?”

 

Easier said than done is right because when I started thinking about what we have available for breakfast the anxiety that traveled to my stomach reminded me that I can’t eat right now. “I don’t think I can eat. ‘m not hungry.” He took note and rubbed my shoulder gently, “I don’t doubt it.” Silence filled the air and I thought that was the end of it. He’d choose what we have for breakfast like he normally does, and that was that.

 

“What did you used to have for breakfast? Before all this.”

 

“I’unno. Bacon. Eggs. That kinda stuff,” He nodded, probably remembering having the same thing. I hadn’t had something like bacon and eggs in such a long time. It feels like forever ago. It was.

 

“Oh- but I remember a time when my mom took me out to eat after a baseball game. We got Mickey Mouse pancakes. I think- I think they had blueberries for eyes, no, strawberries! There was a banana for a mouth with whipped cream on the ears.”

Was it strawberries for eyes or strawberries for the nose? It would make sense if it was blueberries for the eyes but…

 

“Scratch that. Blueberries for eyes. It had a nose, too. A whole strawberry.”

 

He laughed, covering his mouth as he did. “Just a strawberry? They didn’t cut it up into slices?” I shook my head, “Nope. They dropped a whole strawberry onto the middle of his face.” I couldn't help but giggle at that too, and I noticed that my anxiety- while it wasn’t completely gone- was put on the back burner. It was something that I could deal with later because at that moment I was feeling good. Hopefully, though, my anxiety will be gone before later.

 

He was in a fit of breathy laughs, closing his eyes with a wide smile on his face. “A whole- a whole-“ He regained his composure slightly but as soon as he started thinking about it again he began giggling again.

 

I gave a good-natured eye-roll. “Why’re you laughing at that so much?” I shook my head but gave a laugh too.

 

“I’m imagining Mickey Mouse but with a thick Pinocchio nose.”

 

The laugh I gave this time was more confused than before, “ _What_?”

 

My question was left unanswered, but that was fine because hearing him laugh seemed rare and I’d like to cherish it while I can. The only other time I’ve heard him laugh was the day I met him. Other than that he spoke in a constant soft voice, almost a whisper. He didn’t seem emotionless, but his emotions were lessened than what I’d expected.

 

I didn’t know what I expected from a guy with a mask of the dead.

 

My hand traveled up to his, which was still resting on my shoulder, to take it off of me. I held his hand in between both of mine. “Alright, I think I’m ready to get today rolling, yeah?” He nodded, grinning. And while the mention of today brought the lump in my stomach back, I felt better than before about facing today.

  


Surprisingly, I did eat breakfast. Not a whole lot but with a helpful push I managed to scarf down a bit. Regret stuck to me as the mask clung to my face. Despite the openings the mask had, there was still sweat running down my face. It clung to the inside of the mask. James was in front as we walked, and yes, I was going to do this. James was going to have to go first though. I didn’t want to walk directly into the dead because I wasn’t paying attention. Then again, that wouldn’t be a problem because of the mask, right? This whole thing still confused me.

 

I grew stiff when he rushed to crouch near a tree, nodding to a stray dead limping along. It wasn’t that close, but I felt like it was just seconds away from spotting me and crawling toward me. My eyes were glued to it and the familiar burn of anxiety erupted in my stomach again.

 

“S-So. Am- Do I just walk up to it?”

 

“Slowly. Don’t jump if it spots you.” Don’t jump. Don’t jump. _Don’t jump_. God, fuck, okay. Okay.

 

“What if- Shit, okay- come with me?” He shook his head, and I knew why he couldn’t come with me. Disappointment still surfaced though.

 

My toes curl in my shoes and I took a deep breath in, my heart hammered in my chest.

 

If he’s fucking _wrong_ about this-

 

I held that breath as I walk up to it, and only let it seep out through cracks in my lip. It craned its neck, letting it's head drop until its eyes are looking directly at me. My shoes felt like concrete at that moment. I stare back at it through the mask, searching its eyes for any sort of distinct emotion. Do the dead look angry before they eat someone? Can you tell if they’ve spotted someone just by looking in their eyes?

 

My questions fade into non-existence as my shaky foot scooted closer. The gravel under my foot pops along with the guttural gurgling that the dead was emitting.

 

I’m not dead. It _knows_ I’m here and I’m not one of its kind. It’s not progressing toward me at all. My thoughts were in muck, and I’m sure as hell not in control of where my thoughts end up right now. It all feels like a mess, but I muster up enough courage to creep up to it a bit more. It’s foggy eyes stared at me, observing. It couldn't hold contact for much longer when it’s head falls back to look in front, beginning to limp forward again.

 

What? My mind continued to draw blanks as I tried to think of a reason that it wasn’t sinking its teeth into my flesh. The mask actually worked? It worked. Holy shit it worked. Okay. This weird, smelly walker mask worked.

 

Trying to brush off my disbelief, I was soon filled with excitement. Holy shit! My eyes wide and a grin spread across my face, I shuffle closer. To get a closer look at something like this and not have it worry about ripping my face off is unheard of, well, for me. Not for James. It looks… well, it’s a horrid sight to behold, but the way it exists, it almost looks like it’s floating in its own headspace.

 

“James. Wha- I’m doing it!” For a hysterical moment, this was okay. I’m more focused on James’ response than letting everything click in my head.

 

But of course, there was the chaser of panic.

 

My heart sank. My heart sank so far that it’s in the fucking underworld at this point. The gurgling growl begins again, only louder and much more aware. My body stiffened up completely that a breath gets caught in my throat. It’s neck craned to look at me as it turns slowly, jabbing its bone-like fingers into my shoulder blades.

 

Instincts kicked in sooner rather than later and I press a hand against its neck. The soft rotten flesh was smooth against my hand as I pushed against it. It’s snapping mouth eager to bite me, the clicking of its teeth ringing in my ears. In a weak attempt to kick it away, I slip.

 

My head smashed against the cold unforgiving dirt but my eyes refuse to leave the biting monstrosity before me, though my vision does blur slightly for a moment. Warm liquid pools down against my legs, and I can’t stop it even though embarrassment mixed with fear courses through me.

 

And when I fall, it came with me. Using my body as a cushion for its fall. It has to be inches away from my face, flakes of dead skin falling onto my face. My hand scrambles to grab my knife from my back pocket. Though I’ve learned I should be quiet, I gave a desperate cry to James. Yet it seemed like as soon as I call for him he’s already here, pulling at what clothing the dead has left hanging off its body.

 

“Get it off me!” I plead, and he does just that. Kicking the dead off me, though it still clings on to my shirt with one stubborn hand. James grabs the dead by its clothing again, only this time it’s weak enough to be pulled off. Before I can get back onto my feet he’s grabbing my hand and tugging me away from it. Once I’ve stepped up onto my feet I need absolutely no help fleeing from it.

 

My chest was heaving by the time we got back to the camp. I ripped the mask off and hand it back to him, looking back at the path came from to check if there are any following us. I did make quite a bit of noise after all. When I realize that we’re safe, for the moment at least, I let out a quiet groan, “That was shit. And went shit.”

 

He nodded, catching his breath, “You weren’t supposed to speak.”

 

I let my hands rest on my pants, a fluid covering my fingers. My hand jerks back quickly and I looked at my palm in disgust. “I didn’t-... No way.” I wasn’t sure if I was more embarrassed or in disbelief. Likely a mix of both.

“No fucking way.” I said. He looked over at me and he softly sucked in air through his teeth. My eyes refuse to tear away from my hand.

“I pissed myself.”

 

“You did.”

 

“I did.” I parroted half-heartedly.

 

It almost seemed comical. Wetting myself because of fear although I’ve been in a situation the _exact_ same as that of many times before. My clean hand felt the back of my shirt, hoping to everything left in the world that is good that it didn’t reach the back. A breathy sigh of relief slipped out when I discovered that my shirt was completely dry. My face was burning with embarrassment, but I still looked over to James who was staring down at my hand as well, in equal disbelief. “What do I… do?”

 

He pressed his fingers to my arm, forcibly pushing my hand down to my side to get me to pull my eyes away. “I wouldn’t mind you using the blanket as cover while you wash your pants.”

 

My face scrunched up, “I wouldn’t want to get your blanket all pissy.”

 

He opened his mouth to respond, almost to protest, but shut it as a smile grows on his face. “Thoughtful. Maybe you should wash up with your clothes?” I’d faced worse of course. Yet stripping from my pants out in the open hasn’t ever been on my bucket list. He said I’d have cover, right?

 

—

 

So I sat in the freezing, stream of water. It ran against my skin like ice which reminded me how long it’s been since I’d taken a shower. My legs were clenched and drawn, closed together. I get that it has to be done but isn’t there some sort of alternative? Maybe? Likely not. I sighed and let the water invade my warmth. The sun is shaded in a thin square of a blanket, held up by James. He said he’s “Helping so nobody sees.” Which is surprisingly comforting. Despite everything I felt safer with him holding up the blanket.

 

“You better be looking away.” I grumbled, taking my pants and running them through the water. I rubbed the pants together as I drowned them in water, hopefully getting the fluid out.

 

“I am.” Though I could hear the smile in his voice, I believe him. He’s not an asshole.

 

I rubbed my lower half down with my hands, letting my pants get snatched by the stream currents, getting caught on James’ leg. Knowing him, he’d leave it there until he could hand me the blanket. After a lot of scrubbing and running my hands under the stream water, I’m satisfied. I’m pretty sure I’m clean. At least, I hoped I am. It’ll always feel a slight bit off not using soap to clean myself.

 

When I stood up, my hands habitually rush to cover my crotch even though I was positive he’s looking away. Something about being out in the open like _this_ feels vulnerable and uncomfortable. I reached to grab the blanket and my shoes. The blanket turns a dark shade of blue when I wrapped myself in it, but I felt better about being out here like this. My wet pants nudge my shoulder and I took them from James. “Thank you.” I wait for him to pick up his mask before we head off back to camp.

 

I breathed the fresh air of relief to find that there weren’t any dead hanging around our set up. Only James’ bag and a fire pit full of charcoal. That would have been unfortunate if they followed the noise here. Now that I think about it, it probably wasn’t a good idea to leave James’ bag here. James’ does know the area better than me, though. The rocks were unforgiving against my ass as I tried to brush all of them out from under me without exposing myself to James. Finally giving in, I sat down on the blanket with a huff, tossing my sopping pants over the log and my shoes next to it I wrap myself up, happy to cover myself up. James set the mask aside, “About what you said earlier. How things didn’t go so well,” He drew my attention again, giving a quiet noise of acknowledgment.

 

Me, being me, it took a moment until I noticed that he seemed almost embarrassed. Or… disappointed? Something in between. “It. It didn’t go so well, you’re right. Thank you for trying, though.” He glanced up at me, and I grin. God, he’s a sweetheart. He’s kinda creepy. Well, not creepy per se. But, different. “Dude, of course. It was, admittedly, super terrifying but, if it made you happy then, you know, I’m happy,” I pause for a moment before adding, “Even if I peed myself.” And I was proud when I saw his nervousness fall and a smile appeared. He shook his head, but not with any ill-intention. “I’m sorry about that, by the way.”

 

I put a finger out, as if to say ‘shut the fuck up’ and shushed him loudly. “Don’t- don’t even. You gave me this blanket, let me wash, covered me while I washed. There is nothing you need to be sorry for.” I scoot a bit closer to make emphasis when I say, “Nothing!” I eyed him for a moment and only lower my finger when I’m sure he’s not about to apologize again.

 

Instead, he says, “Thanks for being here. Trying to coexist peacefully with the walkers. I’m not great at this, but,” He looked up at me, “I forgot how nice it is to have someone to talk to.”

 

Shivers ran down my spine as he looked at me with his naturally timid expression. Of course, I felt the same way. Dragging myself around different areas every day and hoping that I wouldn’t get shot was exhausting, to say the least, so, even though I met him by attempting to steal from him I’m still glad it happened. That’s not the reason I was freaking myself out, though. Normally I’d just give a dumb little “Thank you” but this time felt different. It felt weird. I don’t like weird. Well, looking at James I can’t say that. I like weird, but not _this_ kind of weird. I could feel my face slowly beginning to heat up.

I took a heavy breath in and held it as I moved my hand over his. My eyes race between glancing at him and down at my hand. I pulled back slightly when my finger brushes against the back of his hand- as if I could pull back now and it’ll be like nothing happened- eventually though, I placed my hand on his. Finally letting out the breath I’d been holding. His eyes moved down to our hands, letting out a quiet “Oh.”

 

 _Oh_? Oh is a good sign, right? Yeah? Yeah. Probably.

 

“Thank you for being here today, well, every day really. It’s nice to have a place to feel safe.” His face lights up when he hears me say that, and I smile, hoping that I didn’t make things awkward with the hand holding.

 

He’s not pulling away, which is always good. He held my gaze, and I wanted to get closer. So I did. And when he doesn’t scoot away a wave of confidence surges through my body. I gradually drifted closer and it takes me a hot fucking minute to realize that my lips were pressed against his.

 

My heart picked up as it hit me that I didn’t really know what to do. I never got to kiss people when everything went to shit, and I was too young to have my first kiss before that. Everything I thought I’d do went out the window. I’m sure he didn’t like my confused lips pressing against his. I didn’t know what to do but that didn’t stop me from trying my damnedest to make this the best kiss he’d have.

 

I pulled away for a second before reconnecting our lips. When I put my arms around his neck he followed, hesitantly putting his hands on my waist. Oh. As someone who doesn’t know what he’s doing it’s a bit terrifying to know that I’m going to be the one taking control. But another part of me is telling me that he, James, trusts me with this. He has to know that I’ve got this somewhere in me. That’s… a nice thought.

 

James pulled away, dumbfounded. And I have to admit that I was feeling the same way too.

 

Where the fuck did any of that come from?

Hell yeah.

 

“I, ah, I haven’t done that in a long time.” The fact that he’s still holding onto me was comforting, and I brought my hand up to his face to stroke his cheek with my thumb. “Oh, shit, well I haven’t done it at all. You were really good for someone who’s a little rusty, yeah?” I whispered against James’ lips, and he let out an awkward chuckle.

 

“Well, that’s... reassuring.” He smiled before pressing his lips to mine again. Is someone supposed to be tense during this? Because I can feel his tenseness and that doesn’t feel normal. I pull away with one more peck, slowly moving my hands down to his sides. The tension in his body is visibly seeping out as I pressed light kisses to his neck, moving from his neck to his shoulder. While I thought I’d be freaking out about this, I actually feel a lot more confident than I expected. I want to touch and I want to feel. I _need_ to touch.

 

I never understood kissing as a kid. I used to give myself arm hickeys because they looked funny, but that was different. Lip on skin contact never made sense to me. Now, I want to press kisses in any place that he’ll allow me to. I guess I never considered the emotion behind kissing someone, it makes sense to me now, though. More than it did back then.

 

So, lips were nice.

That was easy to understand.

 

His body relaxed as I trailed my hand under his shirt, lifting it. Luckily, he got the hint and helped me take it off. We reconnected our lips again but this time I could feel him pressing into the kiss more than before. Flicking his tongue over my lips until they finally parted. Oh. We’re _doing_ this doing this. Okay. I wasn’t sure how things would escalate or where they would go, but I sure as hell knew that I reveled in the feeling of him pinning me with his arms at my sides and mine moved to hold me up.

 

A whine escaped as the blanket covering me was already long gone, only barely clinging onto my shoulder. He groaned quietly in response, in that soft voice that he always has. He pressed me down so my back is against the blanket. I raise my legs so they’re level with his side, tempted to wrap them around him to pull him closer. More. _More_.

 

When we pulled away both of our breaths were heavy, and James definitely noticed my cock pressing against him. Had this been any other time I would have been embarrassed, but I couldn’t have been embarrassed when he pressed his groin into mine. A feeling shot through my body, making a gasp escaped my lips. I slapped a hand over my mouth.

Fuck. More. More of that.

 

It would be a shitty way to die if the dead heard us during this and decided to come check out what’s going on.

 

I wrapped my other hand around him and pressed back into him, letting out a breath of satisfaction. “Fuck,” I whispered, barely creating a gap in my hand to say so. My cock twitched in need and _want_ when he sat up, and I was so close to protesting. He sat on my legs gently and looked down at my cock. And holy shit when he pressed a finger against the leaking tip causing me to grab at his arm gently, a muffled needy moan behind my hand. He stopped his movement and looks down at me in concern. I shake my head and moved my hand from my mouth. “No no no, don’t stop. Please.” I hated how desperate I sounded, mainly because even I didn’t know I could sound like this.

 

Thankfully, he wrapped his hand around my cock instead, but removed it as soon as he put it there. “Oh- fucking come _on_!” It was a little louder than intended and I was about to continue whining until I saw him unbuttoning his pants. His pants and underwear were shimmied off and I wanted so badly to touch his cock. It was right there. It was weird to see someone else’s cock so close, but it’ll probably be closer later. His half-hard length allowed me to lift my hips to barely brush against his.

 

Frustration built in me as I shut my eyes, “Please.” Heated skin pressed against mine, wrapped tightly in his hands. A soft moan escaped his lips as I squirmed, rubbing my cock against his. It was so warm and I wanted nothing more than to feel. James hardened against me as his head lowers, hips stuttering slightly. I didn’t want to wait for his little hip thrusts, so instead, I thrust up, desperate to get more friction.

 

Gasps and soft moans fill the air as he holds himself up with one of his hands, now leaning over me. Other thoughts rush in, combining with my already scattered ones. What if his cock was in my mouth, thrusting its way in and out as he held my hair tightly. Oh fuck. I need that. The feeling of him sliding his cock down my throat just like he’s doing with our cocks, rubbing against each other desperately.

 

 _Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease_.

 

“Please!” I managed, not even sure what I was begging for at this point. More of this. More. James’ thrusts gradually become sloppier. Until his body goes rigid, letting out a long breathy gasp, eyes are shut tight; his hips and hand are the only things still moving. Oh fuck. Did he just..? I, hoping that I could catch up to him, continue thrusting. The movement a lot easier now that his streaks of cum are slick between us. He pulls back, breathing heavy. “Wait. Wait,” He pleaded, his poor overstimulated cock slowly softening from it’s aroused state.

 

It took a few more shaky breaths for him to gain his composure, and when he does he softly says, “Sorry.” Though he’s not looking at me I still scrunched my face up in confusion.

 

“Sorry? For?” He sat on my legs again. “Releasing too soon. It’s been awhile since I’ve done that.” I shook my head and gesture away, as if to tell him he had nothing to worry about. “I was pretty close too, you know? Probably still am.” I tacked that last part on in hopes that I could still cum. The look of worry quickly changed as a smile spread across his face. My cock, still pressing against my stomach along with his cum, twitched a bit. Reminding me that it’s still there and a very prominent problem.

He scooted back a bit to slip his underwear back on before leaning down.

 

That’s… that’s his breath against my cock. No, not his hand like I expected. His lips, inches away from pressing against my cock. Jesus fuck. I looked down at him and give some sort of nod for reassurance, but I didn’t expect him to flick his tongue out so soon.

 

A quiet shaky moan comes out and I pressed my hips upwards. James pumped his hand a bit before he licked the pre-come that oozed from the tip. It wasn’t long before his mouth was around it completely, and I was a mess under his hands without him really realizing it. His locks covered his eyes and I only propped myself up on my elbow to move his hair, causing his eyes to flutter open. A quiet “oh fuck” escaped my lips in barely a whisper, my head falling back again. Already close from before, my fingers thread through his hair. My lips parted gently as he pressed his tongue against my shaft. Fuck fuck fuck.

 

“I’m close- I’m close.” I whispered, half remembering to stay quiet to not attract any unwanted attention. Gently tugging his hair in warning, in case he didn’t want my cum shooting down his throat, my cock filling his mouth as he tries to swallow every last drop— oh fuck!

 

My back arched without my full readiness to do so and my head pressed back against the blanket. I let out a strand of weak moans as my grip on his hair tightened. I could feel my body shaking as he tried to swallow around my cock, and I released my grip to simply press my hand on his matted down hair. My cock slipped out of his mouth, cum on his lips and some still on my cock, the rest of it I can assume he swallowed it. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve as the air is filled with heavy breathing.

 

I slowly began to come down from my high. “Thank you.” A grin grows on my face and he smiled, nodding. I took a moment to rest as he put his pants back on. “D’you think we attracted anyone?” He looked around a bit, scanning the area, but eventually said that we should be fine. I re-wrapped myself in the blanket as that’s my only cover as a wave of open vulnerability washed over me. The sun was setting at this point. He looked back at me timidly. It’s baffling to me how he could be timid after all that, but I sat up and kissed his cheek. I also didn’t expect him to wrap his arms around me, coming with me when I laid back down. Soft content hums were emmitted by the boy in my arms, and I couldn’t help but laugh a little, “I didn’t think you were one to cuddle after sex.”

  
He let out a muffled noise of acknowledgement, making sure to rub his face into my chest gently. “Did you expect something else?”

  
I snickered, “Yeah, I did. Something a little more… reclusive? I’unno. It’s hard to explain.” When hearing James’ humming pause, I made sure to add, “I’m certainly not complaining though. I’ve never cuddled with you before, so, fuck yeah.” He grinned, instead, no longer seeming upset.  
I smiled too, wrapping my arms around him happily.

 

“Thank you, really. You did amazing.” That warmed my heart just saying it, and I had hoped it did the same to him.

  



End file.
